Spice Girls likely to reform
posted by John Surname @ 5:18 PM
In a previous post I mentioned that the Spice Girls are reforming.
It's only a rumour, but a pretty good one. Let's face it, none of the Spice Girls have had spectacular solo success recently, and some (Posh, I'm looking at you) have never been popular.
Look at the facts:
Scary Spice - Mel B has trouble selling more than 20 copies of any single she releases these days, so she hit upon the ultimate PR stunt - become pregnant to Eddie Murphy. Couple this with a $400 a day crack habit and you have one desperate mamma, one whose finally willing to suck in her pride (and her flabby stomach) and join the girls she so despises to make some cash, and how many times have we heard this story before?
Baby Spice - After leaving the Spice Girls, Emma Bunton (like all of them) had brief success because the Spice Girl's pre-teen fans were still young enough to enjoy her music, before they grew up and started disliking it (they are now at the age when they can like it for ironic nostalgic reasons, meaning it's come full-circle). Soon though, Emma (as she became known) could only get gigs in gay clubs and had to come to terms with the fact no one liked her anymore. Her last album Life In Mono (which, ironically, was in stereo) was a certified flop, and she needs money to repay her record company who are threatening to give her cellulite unless she does within the next six weeks.
Sporty Spice - Mel C was the most successful Spice Girl after the split. Thankfully, her career has now tanked (being popular in Portugal and Spain don't count) and she (here we go again) is desperate for cash. In fact, it was the name of her last album.
Unwise stockmarket choices (like the AWB) have left her in a vunerable position and she is looking for a way to reignite her career.
Ginger Spice - Geri Halliwell was also initially popular, but as everyone started to realise that she sucked her popularity began to wane. She released a cover of It's Raining Men that sold only to mothers who bought it as presents for their daughters, who all threatened to self mutilate if forced to listen to it. Emergency rooms around the world were jammed for months. Next, she decided to release some autobiographies. Two in fact, which considering her age (67), isn't really that surprising. The books dwelt on her rememberances of her childhood (she lived through WW2) and her subsequent pop stardom. Recently, she has been a high-class hooker to the stars. We at Random Brainwave are regulars, and speculate that she must be addicted to heroin, because she's still broke even though her prices are $2000 a night (that's the "night of Spice" package - highly recommended).
Posh Spice - Typical story, really. Inept pop star meets footballer. She tries laughable solo career, and then settles on being famous for being famous. But what she craves is credibility, and the closest she's ever come is to credibility is the Spice Girls. Go figure. I won't write anything because you all fucking know what she's been up to.
It's only a rumour, but a pretty good one. Let's face it, none of the Spice Girls have had spectacular solo success recently, and some (Posh, I'm looking at you) have never been popular.
Look at the facts:
Scary Spice - Mel B has trouble selling more than 20 copies of any single she releases these days, so she hit upon the ultimate PR stunt - become pregnant to Eddie Murphy. Couple this with a $400 a day crack habit and you have one desperate mamma, one whose finally willing to suck in her pride (and her flabby stomach) and join the girls she so despises to make some cash, and how many times have we heard this story before?
Baby Spice - After leaving the Spice Girls, Emma Bunton (like all of them) had brief success because the Spice Girl's pre-teen fans were still young enough to enjoy her music, before they grew up and started disliking it (they are now at the age when they can like it for ironic nostalgic reasons, meaning it's come full-circle). Soon though, Emma (as she became known) could only get gigs in gay clubs and had to come to terms with the fact no one liked her anymore. Her last album Life In Mono (which, ironically, was in stereo) was a certified flop, and she needs money to repay her record company who are threatening to give her cellulite unless she does within the next six weeks.
Sporty Spice - Mel C was the most successful Spice Girl after the split. Thankfully, her career has now tanked (being popular in Portugal and Spain don't count) and she (here we go again) is desperate for cash. In fact, it was the name of her last album.
Unwise stockmarket choices (like the AWB) have left her in a vunerable position and she is looking for a way to reignite her career.Ginger Spice - Geri Halliwell was also initially popular, but as everyone started to realise that she sucked her popularity began to wane. She released a cover of It's Raining Men that sold only to mothers who bought it as presents for their daughters, who all threatened to self mutilate if forced to listen to it. Emergency rooms around the world were jammed for months. Next, she decided to release some autobiographies. Two in fact, which considering her age (67), isn't really that surprising. The books dwelt on her rememberances of her childhood (she lived through WW2) and her subsequent pop stardom. Recently, she has been a high-class hooker to the stars. We at Random Brainwave are regulars, and speculate that she must be addicted to heroin, because she's still broke even though her prices are $2000 a night (that's the "night of Spice" package - highly recommended).
Posh Spice - Typical story, really. Inept pop star meets footballer. She tries laughable solo career, and then settles on being famous for being famous. But what she craves is credibility, and the closest she's ever come is to credibility is the Spice Girls. Go figure. I won't write anything because you all fucking know what she's been up to.
Labels: celebrities, music, terrible music
