Criss Angel Sucks Ass
posted by A.J @ 2:28 AM
I have totally lost faith in magic altogether. Douchie asshole Criss Angel and his show 'Mindfreak' can kiss the underside of my scrota, as I just witnessed possibly the worst 30min of tricks in my life involving lame assed camera stunts and placed actors involved in what he calls 'magic'.
The whole premise of the show is Criss attempting to pull off Houdini's 1905 'Barrel Escape', where he will be submerged in a barrel of water, handcuffed through two holes in the lid and suspended 8 stories in the air. Throughout the show as well (ill move back to the barrel end result in a moment, expect excitement) he does random street magic to the 'bewildered' public and to the camera. Without fail, he fucks up every single one so blatantly its laughable. Here's the tricks he did and the reason why they blew.
Trick: Chriss confronts two couples in a hotel hallway and asks them if they've ever experienced deja' vu. He positions one couple in the middle of the hallway and stands the others next to him. He then tells them to focus, them moves past the camera to reveal the first couple about 20 feet further away from where they originally were.
Why its bullshit: First of all, not only were two couples magically wandering through such a conveniently sized hallway for the 'trick' but they're both model material. The only explanation for this is bullshit camera work. Amazing how the couple who disappear are conveniently standing in the position he wants them in, and how just before Criss comes in front of the camera, the blonde moves. Then the guy moves when Criss reveals the hallway. Wow, so if he magically somehow DID transport them backwards, who would they be moving? Wouldn't they still be dormant?
Trick: Two women in a restaurant are confronted and one is asked to taste the glass of water in front of her. Upon her saying its water, he again asks her to drink some and swirl it around in her mouth, whilst thinking of her favourite drink. He guesses correctly and then, taking a ordinary coaster, shakes the glass or water to turn it into beer.
Why its bullshit: Firstly, why is there a break in shot between the girl taking the first sip of water and Criss saying his next speech? Next, when Criss is explaining the following part of his trick, the camera shifts up away from the image of the table so we cant see whats going on. Not suss? Take a look at the eyes of the girl sitting at the table in the bottom right corner. If a magician randomly came up to my table and starting messing with my beverage, I'd be fixated as to why this cock interrupted my lesbian date. So why is she looking in the direction of the glass? She also seems totally disinterested throughout the entire proceedings, proving shes an actor, and a bad one at that. The explanation to the beer changing could have something to do with the earlier camera trick. Or the fact that the whole thing is setup, whatever floats your boat.
Trick: On a bus, Criss approaches a woman and asks her to choose a card from a deck, hands her a pen and gets her to sign it. Upon placing it back, he does the usual gibberish then flings the cards towards the front window where the signed card sticks to the windscreen. After they stop the bus, they get off to find that the card is now on the outside of the window.
Why its bullshit: The worst thing a magician can do is ask the person in front of them if they have met before.
Criss: "Have we met before?"
Woman: "No"
Audience: "WOW! She says they've never met before, meaning this trick must be 100% authentic with no paid setups or ANYTHING!"
After she signs the card, WHY does she instantly show it to the camera like shes already been asked to beforehand? Again, there is an unnecessary break in shot just before he starts the countdown and when the card eventually sticks to the window, what the hell is stuck to the back of it?
But here's the best part that proves the whole thing is a setup. Notice when he throws the cards, the dude sitting right near him doesn't even flinch. Criss never gave a warning throughout the whole thing that he was going to turf the cards towards the front window and even though they're inches away from this guy's face he doesn't budge, instead looks towards the front before he even throws the damn things. What a piece of shit.
But now for the best one of all.
Trick: Quite simply, Criss managed to pull a lady in half by getting two people to pull either end of her. She splits apart and her top half crawls away.
Why its super bullshit: Even a retard could get this one. Lets take into consideration a few factors; the top half of the body is the part that crawls away and the feet just stay there, so if its such an amazing trick, WHY does only one half fuck off? Second, the crowd reacts like they've just killed somebody which is new because usually when this happens, its always the same dumbfounded reaction from placed stooges. Smells like bullshit to me and guess what, it is.
The above woman in both images is Rose Siggins, a 40yr old woman born with a condition known as 'sacral agencies' which causes deformation in the lower half of her body at birth. When she was 2, her parents made the decision to amputate and after refusing any prosthetics or wheelchairs, she has managed to live only with the use of her arms. This shit is not hard to find thanks to a wonderful invention called Google! Search 'half a body' and guess what the top result is. Put two and two together, and its beyond easy to figure out that Rose is actually the woman laying down and attached to what must be prosthetic legs. Snore.
Anyhow, the barrel trick mentioned before. When Criss is raised in the barrel, he has two minutes to remove the handcuffs before the barrel falls to the ground. How does he escape the handcuffs? Look at the following video of the trick and notice that Criss has the ability to pull one hand into the barrel and the other to come across to the other hole, so ANYTHING can be located underneath the lid.
All he needs to do is pretend to fuck about for 1:50, then as a climax, escape the cuffs and attach the rope (which could have been automatically done inside the barrel whilst he was going up through a number of reasons) In the end, its not really that impressive, just like virtually every trick this guy does.
Oh, this post is probably full of typos, but its 2:30 in the morning and I cant be bothered with the minor crap after this monster post. To bed I go.
The whole premise of the show is Criss attempting to pull off Houdini's 1905 'Barrel Escape', where he will be submerged in a barrel of water, handcuffed through two holes in the lid and suspended 8 stories in the air. Throughout the show as well (ill move back to the barrel end result in a moment, expect excitement) he does random street magic to the 'bewildered' public and to the camera. Without fail, he fucks up every single one so blatantly its laughable. Here's the tricks he did and the reason why they blew.
Trick: Chriss confronts two couples in a hotel hallway and asks them if they've ever experienced deja' vu. He positions one couple in the middle of the hallway and stands the others next to him. He then tells them to focus, them moves past the camera to reveal the first couple about 20 feet further away from where they originally were.
Why its bullshit: First of all, not only were two couples magically wandering through such a conveniently sized hallway for the 'trick' but they're both model material. The only explanation for this is bullshit camera work. Amazing how the couple who disappear are conveniently standing in the position he wants them in, and how just before Criss comes in front of the camera, the blonde moves. Then the guy moves when Criss reveals the hallway. Wow, so if he magically somehow DID transport them backwards, who would they be moving? Wouldn't they still be dormant?
Trick: Two women in a restaurant are confronted and one is asked to taste the glass of water in front of her. Upon her saying its water, he again asks her to drink some and swirl it around in her mouth, whilst thinking of her favourite drink. He guesses correctly and then, taking a ordinary coaster, shakes the glass or water to turn it into beer.
Why its bullshit: Firstly, why is there a break in shot between the girl taking the first sip of water and Criss saying his next speech? Next, when Criss is explaining the following part of his trick, the camera shifts up away from the image of the table so we cant see whats going on. Not suss? Take a look at the eyes of the girl sitting at the table in the bottom right corner. If a magician randomly came up to my table and starting messing with my beverage, I'd be fixated as to why this cock interrupted my lesbian date. So why is she looking in the direction of the glass? She also seems totally disinterested throughout the entire proceedings, proving shes an actor, and a bad one at that. The explanation to the beer changing could have something to do with the earlier camera trick. Or the fact that the whole thing is setup, whatever floats your boat.
Trick: On a bus, Criss approaches a woman and asks her to choose a card from a deck, hands her a pen and gets her to sign it. Upon placing it back, he does the usual gibberish then flings the cards towards the front window where the signed card sticks to the windscreen. After they stop the bus, they get off to find that the card is now on the outside of the window.
Why its bullshit: The worst thing a magician can do is ask the person in front of them if they have met before.
Criss: "Have we met before?"
Woman: "No"
Audience: "WOW! She says they've never met before, meaning this trick must be 100% authentic with no paid setups or ANYTHING!"
After she signs the card, WHY does she instantly show it to the camera like shes already been asked to beforehand? Again, there is an unnecessary break in shot just before he starts the countdown and when the card eventually sticks to the window, what the hell is stuck to the back of it?
But here's the best part that proves the whole thing is a setup. Notice when he throws the cards, the dude sitting right near him doesn't even flinch. Criss never gave a warning throughout the whole thing that he was going to turf the cards towards the front window and even though they're inches away from this guy's face he doesn't budge, instead looks towards the front before he even throws the damn things. What a piece of shit.
But now for the best one of all.
Trick: Quite simply, Criss managed to pull a lady in half by getting two people to pull either end of her. She splits apart and her top half crawls away.
Why its super bullshit: Even a retard could get this one. Lets take into consideration a few factors; the top half of the body is the part that crawls away and the feet just stay there, so if its such an amazing trick, WHY does only one half fuck off? Second, the crowd reacts like they've just killed somebody which is new because usually when this happens, its always the same dumbfounded reaction from placed stooges. Smells like bullshit to me and guess what, it is.
The above woman in both images is Rose Siggins, a 40yr old woman born with a condition known as 'sacral agencies' which causes deformation in the lower half of her body at birth. When she was 2, her parents made the decision to amputate and after refusing any prosthetics or wheelchairs, she has managed to live only with the use of her arms. This shit is not hard to find thanks to a wonderful invention called Google! Search 'half a body' and guess what the top result is. Put two and two together, and its beyond easy to figure out that Rose is actually the woman laying down and attached to what must be prosthetic legs. Snore.
Anyhow, the barrel trick mentioned before. When Criss is raised in the barrel, he has two minutes to remove the handcuffs before the barrel falls to the ground. How does he escape the handcuffs? Look at the following video of the trick and notice that Criss has the ability to pull one hand into the barrel and the other to come across to the other hole, so ANYTHING can be located underneath the lid.
All he needs to do is pretend to fuck about for 1:50, then as a climax, escape the cuffs and attach the rope (which could have been automatically done inside the barrel whilst he was going up through a number of reasons) In the end, its not really that impressive, just like virtually every trick this guy does.
Oh, this post is probably full of typos, but its 2:30 in the morning and I cant be bothered with the minor crap after this monster post. To bed I go.
Labels: idiocy, magic, prophet can't spell, video
