Yoram Gross: Shame of Australia

I love animation. Any regular readers know that. Yet, I hate our resident animation company Flying Bark (formerly Yoram Gross). Why? Well, let's see...

Blinky Bill



Yes, they are responsible for the frightening animated Blinky Bill. The first series wasn't bad. The second series was low on ideas so they lost the characters in the bush and based the series around that. I wished they'd stayed lost. Common sense would tell you to let it be, but instead they decided to have Blinky Bill & Co kidnap a bunch of circus animals and fly them all home in a hot-air balloon for the third series.

Riiiight.

Even the most wienersome children will tell you that that is stupid idea, but Yoram Gross cares not for a good idea. They don't explain how a koala manages to fly a balloon, let alone how a platypus can survive out of water. That damn platypus should be dead, if only because of his annoying voice. If any of my friends spoke like that I would have speared them through the chest long ago.


Tabaluga

Tabaluga is a show so idiotic it makes baby Jesus cry. Consider YG's own synopsis:

"Tabaluga is the story of the last surviving dragon on earth. The tiny green hero uses courage and kindness combined with some incredible fire-breathing and flying skills to outsmart his adversary – the evil Arktos, who dreams of covering the world with ice and snow! What a delightful character for children all over the world to be watching as he shows us how to work together to find non-violent solutions for our problems."

Why would anyone dream of covering the earth in ice and snow? That guy needs his priorities straightened. I also found the premise of the show (finding non-violent solutions to problems) intriguing. Frankly, they're teaching kids lies, because on the first day of high school they're gonna discover the only way to survive is to carry a knife. Everyone knows that the only way to get anywhere in life to to be violent. Teaching children otherwise is wrong.

Would Genghis Khan have gotten anywhere had he not cracked open the skulls of his enemies and drunken the goo contained within? Would Bill Gates be worth $56 billion had he not disemboweled all those who stood in his way? Would The Queen be the queen had she not murdered her own father?

Surely Tabaluga's problems might end faster if he did the noble thing and murdered Arktos (who, incidentally, is a snowman. All Tabaluga needs is a heater).

Kids, listen to your Uncle John. Go and murder a loved one now.


Bambaloo

The premise: A hot woman lives in a treehouse with a bunch of friendly puppet animals.

The problem: In real life hot women don't live with talking animals. They live with hot guys like me, and that is the way it will remain. Also, the goldfish has a memory longer than 30 seconds. Also the goldfish talks. Also, I never understood why the hot girl didn't just eat the animals.
It would have been quicker and more entertaining than this pile of faeces.

And don't ask me why that mouse is dressed as a bee. Probably been smoking crack. Crack will do that to you.

Space Blog (no picture available)

Coming soon: YG try to show that they are up-to-date with the children by creating a show about a blog. A blog set in space. I don't know what to say about this, so I'll quote from the synopsis:

Just like most 13 year old girls she's trying to make friends, get good grades and fit in with the latest trends.

Fair enough.

The only problem is Jena turns orange in water, eats spiders, has webbed feet and can whistle in harmony with her three belly buttons.

Say what??

This show sounds like the televisual equivalent to being boned up the crack by a gang of pirates.
I look forward to it.