Surprise, surprise

So Derryn Hinch was an alcoholic. I didn't see it coming, but I'm not surprised. I actually always thought he had diabetes. I always thought Bob Hawke had Down Syndrome, but no, he was an alcoholic too.

And so is Britney Spears, who this fine morning has etched "666" into her forehead and tried to kill herself while still in rehab. Don't worry, fans, it won't be long before she'll get a hold of a gun and the whole sad tale will be put to an end. Shame it didn't happen before Crossroads, a film so awful the mere name makes me want to tear out my eyes a la Oedipus Rex, and throw them across the room where they will immediately be apprehended by my dog.

Derryn Hinch's story should be a shocking reminder to young people that if they drink 4 bottles of wine a day, they too will grow up to have a wife that looks like this:

Shoot me when that happens. She looks like a blonde version of Vampira.

And courtesy of Wikipedia, here is a list of famous deaths through alcoholism. I remain poised to add Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Jeff the Purple Wiggle to that list.

And why not enjoy the list of people who drowned in vomit?

After all this talk of alcohol, I feel like a Scotch...