Bracks Government PR - what they tried to hide

I will get to that shocking truth in a second, but first, some backstory.

Everytime the Bracks government delievers a monumental cockup, they resort to the same, tired press oppurtunities, in which they basically get a group of people to "inspect" their cockup in front of the cameras, and the six o'clock news proudly reports that " was inspected today by and given the thumbs up!".

Previous examples:

• Myki - The new ticketing system was "inspected" by primary school kids and given the elusive "thumbs up". It is likely that the primary school kids were chosen because they are the only ones stupid enough (besides our transport minister) to think that replacing our current system with an expensive new one is a good idea. The Channel Ten "reporter" asked a child (henceforth known as Bucktooth Hutton) what he thought of it. Bucktooth Hutton replied "It's a good idea because it makes travelling easier!" like he was reading off a script, which he probably was. This brings me to another point - the Bracks governments use of children in advertising and press outings. Remember the ad in which the children sang The future's in our hands! Of course you've seen the current Go For Your Life! campaign in which a bunch of kids try and guilt me into getting off the couch. Well, fuck you, kids. I'm in terrific shape and I don't need a bunch of weiner kids telling me I'm fat and I'm going to die of heart disease, because I'm not. They would kill to have a body like mine, it's pure John - woof.
  

• The Commenwealth Games athletes village - Towards the opening of the Games, it became increasingly clear that the village facilites were lacking, so what does Bracks do? You guessed it! He wheeled some low ranking athletes out to inspect the village and give it the pre-determined "thumbs up". Are they paying these jokers, or something?

Finally, some idiot thought it might be a good idea to place a pool in the middle of Rod Laver Arena for the world swimming championships (or whatever they are called, I simply don't care). Not surprsingly, it sprung a leak so (again!) Bracks brought out Dawn Fraser and Shane Gould to "inspect" the pool in front of the cameras and give it the "thumbs up". To allay fears that the pool was leaking and the whole arena would be washed away in a tide of chlorinated water and snot, she told the cameras that she'd inspected the underside of the pool and "there is no leak".

Well, huzzah! Kaloo-Kallay! Everything must be alright if Dawn Fraser and Shane Gould say it is!

But wait a second!

Dawn Fraser is not an engineer! She is not even remotely qualified to judge the safety of the pool. They may as well send in Humphery B. Bear, and he was never embroiled in a retirement savings scandal (although he was implicated in the Five Bears In A Bed scandal).

Yes, the "Money For Living" Scandal. Please read up on that. There hasn't been that much egg on her face since she slept with that chicken!

And as for Shane Gould? She is simply a mad woman. She left swimming at the age of 16, and moved up into the country with some guy named Neil who used to beat her. There she lived in squalor until she decided she liked money too much and moved back into the big smoke to be closer to it. She capitalised on her brief fame by releasing a shitty autobiography that no-one read and now spends her time complaining that professional swimmers should be over the age of 18. Who the hell listens to her? All the patchouli oil is affecting her brain.

Hey, doll, no one made you lose your mind! You did that on your own!

Please note: This post has been inspected and given the thumbs up by the children of Balwyn Primary School, who were each promised not to be beaten for their effort (although Bucktooth Hutton got a walloping).