I Hate Firefox Spellcheck #2

The long awaited release of Firefox 3 came out a few weeks ago and I jumped for joy when I realised this could be the end of the browsers pathetic excuse for a spellcheck tool. But oh, was I wrong. Take a look at this from my previous post:


So now, not only does it give completely incorrect definitions for misspelled words, but it actually corrects words that are spelt correctly. Holy SHIT. It just did another one, right there, look:


SPELT IS A WORD. IT CANT EVEN SPELL A WORD TO DEFINE SPELLING. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

This next one is great, not only does it think the word is misspelled, but it also completely asses up the grammar as well:


Greasepaint? 'If my name isn't greasepaint'? Was the code for this plugin written by a fucking New York Car Mechanic?

John, just label every post from now on "prophet can't spell" because I have zero chance.

It's All About The Name

I shit you not. Someone actually said this to me on MSN yesterday:

'...its all about your name though, like people don't talk to me if my name isn't great'

Just stop and think about that for a second. There are actually people out there who think like this, so self involved they wouldn't know how to open their front door without the correct amount of bobby pins precisely plotted in their hair. Yes I refer to the female audience here and its because their a serial culprit of the point I'm about to make.

I'm an avid MSN Messenger fan, due to my use of it at an early age its grown into the stems of my mind and it wont go away. Where there's a computer I'm using, there's MSN and its not so much that I feel the need to talk to people constantly to somehow prove my worth, but because online communication between the people I know has become ridiculous, so much so that we have to turn socialism into an online forum. Now I can stand talking to many people, the bonus about MSN is if you choose to not talk to someone, there's no awkward moment where you have to slowly pick your beer up off the bar and somehow turn your back to them without the aforesaid asshole thinking your a complete prick, but when it gets to the stage like above theres only a certain amount one man can take. I fucking hate this constant obsession that teenage girls seem to have cramming their name with as much shit as possible. Guaranteed if you talk to these people, the first sentence to flash on your screen will contain the word 'lol' have 5-too many 'i's on the end of 'thanks' and about 6-7 hundred smiley face emoticons on average. To warn you of the near dangers of these painful assholes, I've collected a series of MSN names to avoid:


1. The 'Shoutout'


Description: This is the most common name you'll see, the MSN user that feels the need to say a constant hello to every single person in his name just in case they're not thinking about him/her, which then leads him/her to be ostracised from the group for not 'following the rules'. Please.

Reason: Usually self-importance. Tossers like this put funny things to go with it in their names so people will open a window and ask 'omg, why does ur arm hurt?!' No one cares retard, nor do we give a shit about who your 'duds' are. Want me to meet your friends? Go to a bar, or better yet, spare the introduction and just run into a bar because if your friends are anything like you, I'd prefer to take a steel-toed worker boot worn by a guy named Nancy to the groin.

2. The 'Inspirational'


Description: Lets say your sitting at your computer, feeling happy and inspired and you see a quote that just melts your heart. What do you do? Keep it for yourself so it means something that only you can understand? Of course not, just slander it all over MSN in an effort for people to feel as great as you are.

Reason: Like I said, people feel great and they try to do it upon others. The stupid thing about these is they're all exactly the same, rhetorical and painful. Take the above for example; 'you only live once, so make it count'. Well fuck me Holmes, thank you for opening my eyes. I'll just head down to the cancer ward and divulge the tale of your uplifting quote to raise their spirits and put a smile on the old dial.

3. The 'Song Lyric'


Description: "Oh my god, its as if the singer is talking directly to me. I must let everyone know how this one lyric shapes who I am. Oh, cant forget to put note emoticons around the quote so people know for sure that its a song lyric!"

Reason: The same as the 'inspirational'. These people need to go jump of something high into something deep.

You want a fucking clue in the art of not looking like a dumbass? It's tricky I know, but...just look:


Wow. Your name, I know right! Why didn't YOU think of that!

Why have children?

Bogan this morning at the station, talking politiely and calmly to her child (a two year old with a mohwak, no less):

"If you don't sit down and behave yerself I'm gunna beat the fuckin' daylights outta you, in fronna all these people. Is that what you want? If you don't fuckin' act your age I'm gonna get a bad man to come and get ya. How would you like the fuckin' boogey man to come and get you? Or a policeman? So sit the fuck down!"

Must be a leftist.

Eh?

For some reason over the last couple of days, Random Brainwave has been getting an abundance of hits from Google images to Chuck's post 'Leave it. Its Beaver', the one we all remember had the image of a naked and swingin' Brad Pitt. Check the stat counter:

Of course, every link regardless of country goes back to the naked picture of Brad Pitt. Surname, I think we've figured out a way to increase traffic.

Starting next week, this site becomes the next Mr. Skin.

Odd looking lesbian

The Daily Telegraph has a story about lesbians. Except one of the lesbians doesn't look right...

Movie Review: Get Smart

I'm so glad I never had major expectations for this film because, direct to the point, it was horrible. Here's everything this film had in relation with the original 'Get Smart' series:

- The overused corridor walk to the phone box.
- The title.

Agent 99 isn't in love with Smart for the whole film and there's no witty, clever catch phrases. I'm not even a fan of the original series and I can still spot blaintent flaws. Here's the major issues I had with 'Get Smart':


1. It Isn't Get Smart.

This is Maxwell Smart:

This gadget was more impressive than anything in the new film.

And this is wacky Steve Carell:

Steve Carell is Steve Carell, and that's about the limit of his acting range. He was Steve Carell in 'The 40 Yr Old Virgin' and he was good old quirky Steve Carell in 'Anchorman'. Which is ok because those were original, new characters, but now he needed to fill the shoes of the great Maxwell Smart and take one guess who he portrayed. No way, really? Steve Carell?

To make this film more acute, it shouldn't have been called Get Smart, instead given the more accurate title of 'Steve Carell The Quirky Secret Agent'. Its in no way anything like the television series and I'm fed up with asshole Hollywood directors smearing giant gobs of manure over our memories of these classic shows. Why didnt they just follow Spain's idea?

Yes, they actually called it 'Agent 86' over there which is awesome because it gives us no clue that its meant to be in any relation to the TV series and would probably be bearable. That is of course until you see Smart walk down the massive corridor towards the elevator phone box.

2. More Cliches Than An Austin Powers Film.

I was surprised Smart didn't suddenly fall backwards dodging bullets in slow motion wearing a black jacket and sunglasses because if you can think of every overused movie joke ever and throw it into one film, this is what you get. Lazer beam rooms, stupid uncalled for 'dance-offs' and toilet humour (literally) are just the tip of the iceburg. Take this scene for example and tell me that you wouldnt have groaned like hell actually watching it.

Smart enteres the aeroplane bathroom with his hands cuffed by plastic and he needs to get out of them, fast. So what does he do? Pulls out his swiss army knife which convienently contains a mini crossbow procedes to shoot the plastic off his hands with the knife in his mouth. Why didnt he just OPEN the fucking SWTICHBLADE and CUT THE PLASTIC?!?! Obviously because that would have derived from Steve Carells wacky antics! Stupid, lame, boringass humour that only the 40+ yr olds in the theatre laughed at.

3. I Left 3/4 Of The Way Through.

Dead set, I actually left during one of the climatic scenes. I was hungry and this movie was pinning me to the ground, trying to rape me in the eye and I didnt like it one bit. Normally I can stand films that are designed to be ridiculious like Austin Powers or Not Another Teen Movie, but this is Get Smart, Get-Fucking-Smart. It goes without saying that it has expectations and instead, gives you the middle finger and procedes to sling child quality pish at you.

However, there was one thing great about this film.

Yum.

Who hates their car more than me?

Hello dear blogosphere! Have you missed me? I have been blissfully M.I.A for several weeks due to a camping trip. Yes that's right I chose to brave the tyrannous Melbourne winter, and unforgiving wilderness to stay in a flimsy plastic tent, and eat nothing but 2 minute noodles, for several days, all in the name of fun! And unsurprisingly it was a blast.
I did learn one thing however. My car is a piece of shit.This is my car. The most abysmally designed piece of crud to be allowed onto the road.

Follows is the thought process that was present at the time of design:
"Let us create a vehicle that is inescapably cute but has no practical use whatsoever. The vain fools of this earth will not be able to resist." My shit car doesn't even have cup holders.

My excuse, I bought this car because second hand it was incredibly cheap. No surprise there. The fatal mistake was taking it camping.



This is the approximate size of the potholes I was forced to traverse.

I hate my car, and I now plan to buy a range rover.

I am taking it upon myself to start a new RB segment. It's called "Who hates their car more than me?" and I encourage all to contribute.

(Let it be noted that the person in the above car is not me. Googling my car was a lot easier than taking a picture of it. In fact my car isn't even yellow.)

Why Won't The Round Peg Fit In The Square Hole?

Iain Hall has totally pwned himself this morning. How the hell is he meant to understand simple concepts when his family tree only has one branch:

Maybe Mark but strictly speaking the partner of a step parent is no relation at all.

And Keri Adds:

And usually, the partner of a step-parent would be your parent.

Even after it was explained to him twice, old Iain still doesn't understand.

Good work Keri and Mark. L.

*If it finally does compute, Iain will say he was being pernicious sarcastic.





x

How Hurtful

I was interested in seeing what bullshit Elijah served up this week and after following a link through RB, I got a facefull of this:


Ow. This obviously means were on The Inside Edge's blacklist, yet under this image follows this:


What the hell kind of a point are you trying to make if your giving us the one finger salute, then allowing us to read your bullshit anyway? That's not a point, its a desperate plee not to loose Interwebs traffic you loon.

KG talks sense

KG:

"GW pretty much says all that needs to be said about the track we're on. And I don't know what the answer is, short of armed insurrection."

How very Trotsky of him.

Scarf Update

I am going overseas with my best buddy on Saturday. He was wearing his scarf like a cunt on the weekend:

Cunt. Possibly seen at Avon Gorge.

So this is what I did to him after he was passed out:

Sans scarf that was thrown over the fence

I was going to strangle him but an an attempted marblisation (sic) sufficed.

You Are Fooling No One

The gay/cunt way of looping one's scarf around itself and then round one's neck is annoying me almost as much as the erect polo-shirt collar phenomenon that swept the nation recently. Basically, if you tie your scarf like this you are either gay, a closet homosexual or a cunt.

Cunt

Closet Homosexual/Cunt

Gay Cunts

If you see any of the cunts above carrying a GQ mag or any cunts who have their scarves like the cunts above still carrying a GQ mag, grab a length of the offending scarf, and pull it tight until they choke on their stupid, fucking scarves -- and die.

It's the research John Ray rejects that makes him look like a tool

John Ray lets out a corker:

"I don't suppose many people take seriously reports such as the one below but in case they do, perhaps I should say that I don't believe the results at all. All the Australians I meet seem to be cheerful and friendly folk whereas the British are a chronically gloomy lot. Yet the survey below would have you believe the opposite. I suspect poor sampling. It was probably phone polling. With Australia's benign climate and strong outdoors orientation, maybe it was mainly gloomy losers who were at home to answer the phone in Australia. And maybe it was only rich and happy people who could afford a phone in Puerto Rico and Columbia"

Maybe it was, John, maybe it was.

Or maybe John didn't like the survey because it found that "Denmark, with its strong welfare system and social equality, was the happiest country". It wouldn't be unlike John Ray to reject research that disagrees with his own personal opinion.

So I did a bit of my own research that John Ray would be advised to read. The data comes from the World Values Survey which is undertaken by the Univesity of Michigan.

What John Ray says: "I suspect poor sampling. It was probably phone polling. "

Actual Facts: "The WVS methodology consists of the administration of detailed questionnaires in face-to-face interviews. The questionnaires from all five waves (including the incomplete 2005/2006 wave) can be viewed in full on the WVS website. The questionnaires from the most recent waves have consisted of about 250 questions. In each country the questionnaires are administered to about 1000 to 3500 interviewees, with an average in the 4th wave of about 1330 interviews per country and a worldwide total of about 92000 interviews."

Is that enough questioning for you, John?

Of course, John Ray is nothing more than the most corrupt kind of academic available, the kind of man who will happily throw away years of meticulous research because it doesn't fit his pre-determined opinions, ie. blacks aren't as smart as whites (his "proof" consists of nothing more than out-of-context quotes of other people's work).

Lesson - do your research kids.

Get Ready...

'The One: The Search for Australia's Most Gifted Psychic, hosted by Andrew Daddo, will feature seven of Australia's top psychics in a quest to determine who is
'The One' and challenge the way we think about psychic phenomena.'

Oh, you better damn well believe I'll be reviewing this. Stay tuned tonight...

UPDATE: Double episode of new Simpsons. Fuck this show.

Agwa Is The Answer To Everything

Some friends of mine are house-sitting for some friends of theirs. We decided to have a Trivial Pursuit night and with copious amounts of alcohol. We changed the rules slightly:

1. On a pie, you could phone a friend

2. Or ask the audience

3. Or ask for a clue.

If you got the question correct, your team had to have a shot of Agwa. You also had to have a shot of Agwa before you rolled the dice. Having beer, wine and blowing joints followed by shots of Agwa turns any Trivial Pursuit into a night of debauchery and total wastedness. It also helps when your friends invite some serious tap factor (Swedish laideez) along and doesn't tell you so you almost drop your bundle when they walk through the door. The girls couldn't get enough enough Agwa and I was forced to escort one of them to the bottle-0 for another one.

Later on, while I was trying to regain my composure and focus (everyone was wasted), I was staring at this picture on the wall:

A framed photo of the Airbourne album cover.

This cover was recently discussed at RB. I asked what the fuck it was doing on the wall and I was told that we were in the photographer's house. He had also made a film clip for them. On the plus side, for him, the rest of his photos he had around the place were brilliant.